I left my country with a lot of hope and the idea to grow. What grows, changes.
When I came to this place, I started to get to know this area and its people. For me, I discovered four different and connected worlds: the ocean and the jungle, the beach area and the little town.
These worlds are somehow separated and still connected to each other. So I started to open the doors to these four different worlds. I opened them just a bit – just enough to see what lay beyond. Time did not allow a closer look.
Using my whole spectrum of perception, my five senses to discover their relation to each other showed me a paradise that is always connected within. It is a relation that one has to work on thus it won’t shrivel.
In the water –I feel people, corals and turtles are dying – the water flows around your body – solid and soft at the same time. Don’t close your eyes – don’t lose your mind. The ocean has the innocence of a child and simultaneously it is threatening like a monster- just breathe. It can be as magical as a dream as well as causing the impotence that nightmares are made of.
You get in touch with these dream creatures – the ones protecting the ocean, the ones saving the lives. At the same time those creatures have their minds full of darkness – flying, swimming, swinging in a silent rythm of growing without thinking – colors and forms and structures fade away until they die. That what stays are floating bodies on the surface.
I hear harsh, shrieking sounds – sharp teeth close by and mask-like faces with long noses scramble around and everything around me turns into a dark and lush green.The more I listen, the smaller I become – roots and lianas wind up around my body and carry me up into the heights of the dense leaf canopy. I lose a leg – but you hold me lovingly, enchanting me.
Just a few steps away and I taste the capital – it swells out of you. You foreign, strange beauty – so colourful, so glamorous and friendly you seem to me – are just an illusion of yourself. I don’t want to participate and still I’m in the middle of it. You confuse me, I cannot enjoy you and before I vomit, I rather run and screem. I sweat and softly hyperventilate by myself in silence until I transcend frontiers – mixed are my feelings.
I close my eyes - I smell the meat – hear the strange brass sounds. There are dogs with long teats are all over each other full of lust and greed. The children romp about and play – there lies a touch of happiness in the air. And yet, everything happens under surveillance. He who is always present although you don’t see him – it is his country and you have to remain politically correct. The sun goes down and a big mushroom-shaped cloud immerses the houses in a dense shell. Only the main streets been performed on because in the alleys the jaguar is lurking already.
You see what you want to see – what you want to see you see.
When one thing grows, another one shrinks or cannot grow at all.
I growing while going – but where should I go?